So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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