sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
ttyl tear gas
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
