We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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