people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
