I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
