I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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