one two three fourrrrnication!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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