at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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