I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
