hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
