She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's always time for handjobs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We're too hungover to prance.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
