we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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