he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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