Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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