I want to make a zoo with you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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