so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
