I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
