she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
