he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
