Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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