I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
