this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
