I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
