I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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