and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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