Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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