just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
