tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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