Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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