We're facebook friends in real life
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
