thus making me awesome and them whores
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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