can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
