YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
