I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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