I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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