i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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