census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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