she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think my moral compass just broke
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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