Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
