She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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