dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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