she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I did not marry a roomba.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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