ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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