Yo dont text me then not text me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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