she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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