Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
