i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
