Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
