No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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