its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
